Poetry Post

 I've never seen myself as a poet but I wanted to improve my writing skills so I took a class in poetry and here is the first poem that I ended up liking from the course:

άλλος μισό 

(Translation: Other Half)

 

My soul yearns for you.

Every fiber in my being knows that our souls are linked

but finding you was only half of the journey.

 

That's when it comes rushing back,

the weight of it all burdens my heart.

 

I would overcome the Titans in search of Olympus if it meant just one moment for our souls to make peace.

However I cannot slay the Titans yet.

I must sit and watch as you smile for someone else.

 

Cerberus watches with me while your eyes tell a tale of us

but you pick up a different book.

 

Who am I to take away potential happiness from you?

 

You of all people are the last person that I want to hurt.

You brought spring to my endless winter

and memories that I will forever cherish.

 

Cerberus whines at your absence.

With him around, my emotions are on display for the worlds to witness

 

I don't need to ask the fates about our future-

I already know what's in store.

However I cannot keep watching as they surround the one person I adore.

 

Seeing your smile keeps me in place.

So, I sit here with my crown of thorns

and drown out the tortured screams of my soul. 

 

θα σε βρω...αγάπη μου

It wouldn't be my blog if I didn't add any images, so here are some to go along with the theme:

Note to Scalia (if you ever read this): feel free to tear this poem apart if you'd like. I know that my poetry still needs a lot of tlc.

Senior Year

Hello, faithful readers!

This topic is my own, not one assigned to class, but I hold it to the same importance. This blog is being posted as a farewell to my peers as I continue this year to become a college student in the summer. These past four years have been a ride - to say the least.

 

Freshman year, I started out as a shy, sensitive girl that didn't know what to do now that she was in high school. I mean, come on, it's high school! I've finally become one of the cool kids who can party every weekend, drive, and have a ton of friends! Boy, was I wrong. I am not a party person, I was one of the youngest in my grade, so I couldn't get my learners permit until Sophomore year, and I didn't make that many friends.
It's not as depressing as it sounds. In high school, we learn who we are and who our true friends are.


Don't lose sight of your future. In my sophomore year, I was convinced that I would be a music composer for movies. Yes, I play three instruments, but that's not enough. The reality of me actually becoming a famous composer was one in one million.  Once I was grounded, I found my new interest - protecting the nation. I found something that felt right and if I tried thinking of anything else, they wouldn't be good enough because of the path that I have found. This path was one leading to the FBI. This was the first step that I took to find myself. That didn't fully until the end of Junior year. Maybe, I'm a late bloomer, but oh well.

When junior year came, my best friends were all going to leave me. I have always been the one underclassman to hang out with the upperclassmen. My senior friends left me some great insight, and that is what I want to share with you, along with my own. For now, here's what they taught me...

1.) Don't be afraid to be who you are.
No matter what, some people are going to hate you and some people are going to love you. So, you might as well be true to who you are so that the ones who love you don't end up hating you. You also should be confident in yourself. You are in total control of one thing: you. So, be an even better version of yourself than yesterday. If you are different, so what? That doesn't matter.

2.) Make yourself happy.
What others say may hurt, but you need to know how to make yourself happy. You are the most important person in your life - keep yourself healthy and happy. Also, stay away from toxic people, no matter what, they will drag you down with them. You can be polite, but that's it.

and 3.) Be confident.
This is easier said than done, but my secret is to fake it until you make it. Another little secret: it works. It doesn't matter if it's an outfit, makeup, a speech, project, anything - if you stand up straight, hold up your head and plaster a smile across your face, those around you will believe in your confidence.

Okay, so maybe I mixed a little of my insight with theirs, but you get the general idea.

Now that I'm a senior, I am starting to realize things that I never wanted to. I grew apart from one of my best friends and at the moment, he's in basic training. My female best friend is moving across the state to go to college and we will soon grow apart. Six of my old friends graduated early/dropped out and I am no longer in contact with them. I am going to a different college than all of my friends and I'll most likely never see the majority of them again.


That truth keeps hitting me over and over again, but don't let this put fear in your mind. Senior year is crazy and amazing. You get this freedom that you never thought existed. The senior trips and activities that you get to be involved in and the skip days along with the prank and honk out at the very end make the four years worth it.

Even though senior year seems like a good year to slack off, one must remember to stay on top of their work. You have scholarship opportunities (start applying for them in the summer of your junior year, going into senior year), college applications, ensuring that your SAT and ACT scores are where they need to be, and you have to apply for housing and orientation. It's going to be the worst experience in your life if you do not keep your focus. I'm not going to lie, I was really close to not making the deadlines for some of the said items, but alas, I did make it. 

So, to my fellow Seniors, I bid you farewell and I wish you all the success you desire. To the rays still in high school, good luck, and I hope that this helps :)





Until next time! :)

Stranger Danger!

   In part two of "The Stranger" by Albert Cams, Meursault is being tried for killing the Arab on the beach. Before the trial, the reader is introduced to Meursault's lawyer, who doesn't like Meursault's way of thinking and knows that no matter what, Meursault will be guilty.

   Meursault is an honest man of few words and has a different viewpoint on life. Therefore, his peers for the jurors should be honest and share the same viewpoint on life; the existential way of thinking. (In case you didn't read my previous post, an existential mindset is one where everything is pointless. Nothing matters because everyone lives and everyone dies. What happens in between doesn't matter). Unfortunately, no one else in France shared the same mindset (they also didn't bother to look), so the jury wouldn't qualify as being Meursault's peers.

   With that on mind, the trial isn't really fair. I mean it's almost as if no one is on Meursault's side except for the witnesses (Marie, Perez, Celeste, Raymond, and Salamano). Not even the defense lawyer would try to show Meursault as innocent. A just lawyer would give their 110% in trying to win the case. No matter how hard or twisted the case is, the lawyer would take the smallest piece of good and make it seem like the best thing in the whole entire world. Meursault's lawyer definitely did not do that. Okay, I'll give him that fact that he tried to avoid death. But, the legal system is supposed to bring justice and even though it did, just not in the right way.
 I say this because instead for being tried for killing the Arab, he's being tried for his existential mindset and he was sentenced to death because of it. The prosecution forgot the real crime and put the thought that Meursault was soulless in the jury's minds. That was his whole case and the jury just ate out of the prosecution lawyer's hand. Every chance he got, he mentioned Maman's death and how Meursault didn't cry and that the next day, he went out and enjoyed himself with a female companion (he used the term, "mistress") at the beach, to a comedy, and finally back at his house to spend the night.
OBJECTION! Relevance.

Thanks to my law studies class, I know a thing or two about the court system and if this trial was conducted today and in America, the information about Maman's death that the prosecutor tried to use against Meursaults case wouldn't have been used for the verdict because as I stated above, the information is irrelevant. Meursault would still have to plead guilty, but he would have 25 to life in prison, not the death sentence by guillotine. If Meursault's lawyer just used the objection, then the trial probably would have been just. I can't make an assumption though, because that's not what happened.
To simply get my point across, I believe that there's no justice served by the verdict of death, especially from how the trial went.

   After the verdict, Meursault went back to his cell to wait for the inevitable day; his death day. He's been given many chances to speak to the chaplain, but he refused every time. So, instead, the chaplain visited him to see why. Once the chaplain learned that Meursault thought that God was pointless because of his existential mindset, he lost it. The chaplain didn't understand and tried to force God onto him. This didn't end well...
 The guards had to protect the chaplain from Meursault and before the chaplain left, he looked at Meursault and cried.
The reason? I believe that it's because the chaplain's belief in God is so supreme, that he cannot imagine a soul that doesn't believe in God. He must find it not only sad, but hurtful becuase the chaplain may think that Meursault is so broken that nothing can repair him. Because of this, he may fear that God will not allow Meursault into his kingdom since he never had faith and he never will. That's just the way I think of it, I may be wrong since Camus didn't blatantly say it.

   Before this, Meursault showed the reader a little more about himself. He spoke about his father. He said that his father saw a public execution (what was going to happen to Meursault) and how his father spent half of that day throwing up. 

   Then, he says, "But now I understood, it was perfectly normal. How had I not seem that there was nothing more important than an execution, and that when you come right down to it, it was the only thing a man could truly be interested in?" Mr. nothing is important because everything is pointless contradicted himself. This is the second time he has done this. The first time was when he said on page 90, "...I had this stupid urge to cry, because I could feel how much all these people hated me." What others think should be pointless to Meursault, but on the verge of death (His death wasn't decided yet for the first time he contradicted himself, but I have a feeling that he knew either way) he would open up a little more to the reader. He let the reader see Meursault as vulnerable, even if slightly. Then the next question is, why the heck would he think that an execution was important?? Well, he said that it's the only thing a man could be interested in, but why would a death of one person interest another? That means that Meursault would watch an execution if he could (He did say it once he was back in his cell) and that means that it would matter enough for him to watch it. Meaning that he could have just contradicted himself again, showing more vulnerability to the reader.


   Still on the topic of execution, but now to Meursault's execution. He stated that he wanted a crowd of angry people at his execution and that he wanted to be greeted with cries of hate. This is what he didn't want in the courtroom but now he contradicts himself (again) and says that he wants it but for his execution. Earlier he said that an execution was the most important thing because it's the only thing a man could be interested in, so if everyone who showed him hatred in the courtroom made an appearance to his execution, Meursault would be the center of interest. It doesn't matter if the people around him hate him or love him, it's all the same. He'll be dead either way. He wants it to be people who hate him because he can have a point against them, for a lack of a better term. He'll be on the same level, literally, when he's beheaded, but mentally, he'll be a level ahead because he's the center of interest, not just the center of attention. Then the hate that he gets will go away because it truly doesn't matter. He's dead by the time any of the hatred can get to his head.

   That's how Camus wanted Meursault to be. Meursault is almost the perfect example of a person with an existential mindset. Nothing Meursault did mattered to him. Not until the trial came and his mother's death came to question along with the hatred of every single person in the room (minus about three people). Other than that, if you want to get a grasp on how someone would think and act under the existential mindset, Meursault is the nearly perfect candidate.


I'm sorry if my thoughts seem to be everywhere, it's late and I'm tired. I do hope that you enjoyed my interpretation of part two :) .

Parlez-vous français?

Je ne parle pas français, alors voici le reste de mon blog en anglais. (I don't speak French, so here's the rest of my blog in English - I think, Google Translate isn't always correct.)


Relationships. One word with so many meanings. Some relationships can be romantic, friendly, or not so friendly. In this blog, I'm going to show you the different relationships in the book, The Stranger by Albert Camus in part one (chapters 1-6).


The first relationship that I'm going to analyze is the relationship between the main character, Meursault and his mother whom is referred to as, "Maman". Since the book starts out with Maman's death, I don't know much about her personality and how she treats others. I would guess that she's a relatively nice woman since the elderly home that she was at had a lot of people who cared deeply for her. Meursault, on the other hand, didn't quite care about his mother's death. Yes, he was upset, but what difference does it make for him? He's still going to wake up and go about his day the way he usually would when she was alive. This is how Meursault thinks and it bothers me because I grew up in a society where if your mother dies, you would be utterly depressed. But, that's not how Mersault views life. He views life in the "right here, right now" sense, nothing else matters because it's pointless. Everyone lives to one day die, that's it, no further comment.
So, when Maman dies, Mersault is almost unphased.  So, their mother-son relationship isn't the best, and I would say that the love is one sided, for I feel that Meursault is incapable of love with his viewpoint on life and how everything's pointless. That makes this relationship upsetting for me. I, for one, and really close with my mother and I can't imagine being fine if she dies. I wouldn't know what to do with myself and here's Meursault, he falls asleep during his mothers wake, and after the burial, he goes home and acts almost as if nothing has happened. That, to me, is unthinkable. I mean, his mother died for Pete's sake! The next day he goes to the beach and ends up being with a woman for that day and night, the only thing that says that Meursaullt was in mourning (other than other people giving their condolences for Maman) is the fact that he's wearing a black tie. Other than that, he seems fine. He still goes to the movies and makes a move on a woman.

   Speaking of, this woman is the next person that I'm going mention for analyzing relationships. This woman's name is Marie and she is totally in love with Meursault.   They hang out at the beach, Meursault treats her to a movie of her choosing, and they go back to his house. She ended up leaving in the morning, but that wasn't the only time that she has stayed the night with him. She's been with him a couple of times before she asked him if he loved her. This is where the reader finds out more about Meursault. He says that he doesn't know if he does and that it doesn't matter either way. Without knowing how Meursault thinks, one may think that he only cares for the pleasures of the flesh (shout out to the writers of "Wonder woman") when in reality, he just thinks that love is pointless if you're just going to end up dying anyway and throw that love away, leaving your loved one or yourself depressed for the rest of their life. I'm not saying that Meursault isn't sexually attracted to Marie, he definitely is, but I feel like he may have feelings for her, even if he doesn't realize it. When they were at the beach house, Meursault thought about marrying Marie even though when she asked him to marry him a day (maybe two, I don't quite remember) before, he said that he would, be it wouldn't really matter (eye roll followed by an exasperated sigh). But, at the beach house, in chapter 6 (top of page 50), Camus wrote, "For the first time maybe, I really thought I was going to get married." Meursault also seems really happy with Marie; happy enough to blatantly say it. So, this relationship would be loyal because the two of them don't go off with anyone else (that I know of), and it would also be sexual because of how many times the book hints (or may hint, it's a little vague, so I could be completely wrong) at sex.

   The next relationship that I'm going to analyze is Salamano and his dog. This relationship is kind of odd, in place for a better word. Salamano is an old, widowed man who lives in the same complex as Meursault. After his wife died, Salamano got a puppy with a beautiful fur coat, now, the dog is old and lost the majority of his hair due to disease. Whenever we see Salamano with his dog, it's never the loving owner-dog relationship that we, the reader, expect to see. The dog is either pulling Salamano and when that happens, Salamano says, "Filthy, stinking bastard!" and beats the dog. The dog would cower and need to be dragged before it feels better (or forgets what just happened, let's be honest, the dog it old) and it'll pull Salamano again and the process starts over.  Then, one night, Salamano loses his dog at a parade. This is where the abusive relationship goes away and Salamano shows Meursault his kind side. Salamano wants to find his dog and wants to make sure that it's okay. He's afraid that the pound has it and will kill it. After showing Meursault his fears, he immediately says something to put a wall in between them, like asking why he would ever pay to get his dog back, the dog will be better off dead. This relationship is hard to put a label on, because I don't know what happens behind closed doors with Salamano and his dog, like maybe, he's kind to the dog when inside his room, but when other people can see them while on a walk, Salamano shows a rough exterior, otherwise, he'll be vulnerable and people might see him as a fragile old man who lost his wife and has no one else but his dog. He would rather be the tough and aggressive old man that lost his wife and is left with a dog that he must take care of. So, this relationship would definitely be complex, to blatantly sate it.

The second romantic relationship that I will analyze is Maman and Perez. I mentioned before that when Maman went to the elderly home, she had people who care deeply for her. Perez, was definitely one of those people, I mean, he was Maman's boyfriend. I can't tell you how their relationship started or what it entailed since the book began with Maman's death, but it was obvious that Perez loved Maman. At the funeral, he was the only person from the elderly home that was allowed to see Maman get buried and we learned that some people even said that the two of them were "engaged" because of the fact that they were inseparable.  Meursault didn't seem to care that much about their relationship because it's pointless since Maman is already dead and basically threw away their love, leaving Perez to be unhappy for the rest of his life. So, I didn't get more information than basically that. I mean, it's pointless anyway, like this pencil:  So why bother? Even though I view their relationship as love and companionship, I also find it sad. Perez lost his best friend and the woman that he has fallen in love with. Now, he's going to be lonely, hopefully not the same lonely that Salamano faces. Salamano was so lonely, that the love of a dog is enough for the companionship, but not enough to keep him from hiding his vulnerability in a way that physically harms the dog. I don't believe that Perez will share the same fate, but one will never know because I doubt that Meursault will go back to see how everyone is doing, it's pointless. He doesn't need to go back and visit his mother's grave and possibly meet Perez standing at the grave, replacing the dead flowers with new ones from Maman's favorite flower shop that they went to in the village when they went out. Meursault also doesn't need to hear Perez speak to his love about his day and how much he misses her, nor does he need to see the tears silently slide down Perez's cheek and see the nurse with the white gauze around her nose try to make Perez go back to avoid any health problems. Why doesn't he? Simply because it's pointless.

   Getting back to analyzing relationships, the next relationship that I'm going to analyze is Meursault and Raymond. Raymond, who is he? Well, I'm not completely convinced that he's not a pimp. When Raymond talks about his mistress he said that he provided her with plenty of money, she just wouldn't work for it. Her monetary situation was tight and she always needed more, so he gave more, but gosh forbid she needed to work for it. Not only did he give her money to "work" for him, he provided a couple of outfits for her as well. Now, I know that I shouldn't assume anything, but I can't help it for this one. I believe that he is a pimp, no man is that generous unless he's looking to marry this woman and that's not why he wants her. He's all for the pleasures of the flesh and that's what their relationship is, along with shallow, because his girl-toy wants to spend his money and get money from other guys as well.   Their relationship is even more shallow than my paragraph about it.

   The last relationship that I'm going to analyze is the relationship between Meursault and Raymond. This relationship kind of hit me like a train... It seemed like Raymond just randomly invited Meursault over for dinner and suddenly trusted him to get advice and boom! They're friends. I mean, it doesn't matter to Meursault, he was hungry and didn't feel like cooking, so why not do Raymond a favor so that he didn't have to feel like he owed Raymond for his kindness. I don't even know if Meursault would feel like that since he lives in the present and doesn't really look forward to anything because it's pointless. So, maybe plans in the future are irrelevant, so owing Raymond for dinner is also irrelevant since it will have to be in the future. The one thing that really gets me though, is the amount of trust that Raymond put in Meursault. I mean, Raymond just opened up, that's kind of the same for Salamano, too. He opened up to Meursault about his wife and dog. For someone who thinks that life is pointless, a lot of people trust him. Salamano doesn't surprise me as much as Raymond though. Raymond is (might be) a pimp, and he's half letting Meursault in on his secret. That is a big deal and can get Raymond into a lot of trouble if authorities find out and yet he trusts Meursault.
Okay guys, here's a very rare thing, you get to see my thought process. I just realized that what I said is irrelevant now. Of course Raymond trusts Meursault, Meursault doesn't truly care because he believes that everything is pointless. No matter what, Raymond is going to keep being a pimp, so why bother ratting him out if he's just going to go back to being a pimp? It's pointless. So, this whole paragraph could just be trashed, but I'm going to keep it just so I can go back and see how I originally thought. 
So, starting over, Raymond and Meursault's relationship is based on Raymond's trust in Meursault because of his beliefs. They are neighbors, so of course they're going to know who each other are and probably small talk a little here and there. But, when Meursault writes the letter to Raymond's mistress, their friendship truly began. The formalities have been dropped and they end up hanging out later on at the beach with Masson and Marie. Another important point in this relationship is when Meurasault shoots the mistresses brother whom was after Raymond. This is significant because when this happened, Meursault did it without anyone around, just him and the other man. He also made sure that he wouldn't be charged with murder, so he stepped closer, making the man go at Meursault with a knife before shooting him. That way, it was in self defense and plus, it doesn't matter anyway. The man was going to die one day, what's the difference between dying now than later? Age? Who you know? Yes, but that won't matter when you're dead. (Wow, I sound heartless. I'm not this heartless, I promise, I'm just trying to see this relationship in Meursault's eyes). The death proved that he was Raymond's true friend, even though it is pointless, he still did what he thought would make Raymond happy, even though he didn't mention Raymond when it happened. I feel like once Raymond finds out, he'll be a little upset at first because the man didn't die at his own hand, but he'll also be relieved because he doesn't have to worry about that man and he has a true friend. But that doesn't really matter, either. So, their relationship is definitely complex, loyal, and indifferent.

Anyway, it's getting late, I hope that you liked my blog! Have a good night :)        

Dare to Seminar?

   My English class had a seminar last week. In case you didn't know, a seminar is basically a class discussion where each person must speak twice and speak up when you disagree with someone else. We all sat in a circle and as a class answered the question. "Who is the second most important character in the Catcher in the Rye?"

The start was kind of awkward, so I spoke first.  I really didn't want to be the first one to speak, but I did anyway to try to get my speaking part done. It was probably obvious, but I didn't really know what to say or how to start. After Chelsea, Mackenzie, and Josiah spoke about my point and added their own view, I felt a little better. Then, everything started running smoothly and everyone else started to speak up.

Overall, I liked the seminar style a lot more than other discussions. It truly felt student-run. My class also didn't get into a debate (thank goodness ) and we were respectful towards opposing opinions. Other than the awkward beginning, I thought that the seminar was fairly easy, the only hard part is actually getting your two points out there before the time runs out. That is where my class may be a little too nice. Three people will start to say something at the same time and all of them will say, "Sorry, you first." and then there's a good three minutes of silence or a small chat on who will go first. I mean, I am one of those people, but I feel like for the next seminar (there better be one, Scalia) we should figure out something (I don't exactly know what) for that situation.

Holden Caulfield - Is he a Dynamic or Static Character

For this blog, A dynamic character is a character that changes over time and a static character is one that does not change from the beginning to the end.

   It is normal for people to change over time. They change from what they have learned with the experiences that they have had. Holden, is a rare being that I feel is constantly stuck in the middle of the lake, wondering if the ducks fly south for winter or if someone takes them away for the winter. While Holden is frozen, time around him keeps moving. He's trying to see new things, but he can't move because of the ice.  What Holden doesn't realize is the fact that he is the reason why he's stuck in the ice. He refuses to go home, but he also refuses to try in school, so he literally has nowhere to go.

   Once Holden finally decided to get over his little complex and goes home, he said that he felt good. He finally felt happy again.  This is how I expected Holden to feel, but he peeved me when he kept putting it off. He could have stepped out of the ice and onto the grass a lot earlier in the book, but Salinger didn't allow Holden to feel that way until it was almost too late. Holden had a lot of suicidal thoughts that were lightly put into the the text and none them really made sense until Holden mentioned the name James Castle in one of the final chapters. Since names have a meaning, I was trying to figure out what James Castle's purpose was. Then I was thinking, a Castle is heavily guarded and protected. James was a quiet guy, probably to keep all of his thoughts to himself. Then, he killed himself once he called this other kid annoying or something of that sort (I'll look it up later). Since Castle wouldn't take back what he said, this kid and his friends locked themselves, and James Castle, in James's room to try to scare and maybe beat it out of him. Since James wouldn't talk, he jumped out of the window and killed himself. If you can't read on Mr. Scalia's caliber, then you may have no idea why I thought that this part was so important. Well, when Holden puts his secret suicidal thoughts out there, he always mentions jumping out of the window. Holden might feel connected to James Castle because of that, I mean James was a good kid, just like his brother and James was wearing Holden's turtle neck when he killed himself, so Holden probably felt worse, knowing that information.

   Why is this important for what kind of character Holden is?? It shows us that tragic events do take a toll on Holden whether he blatantly says it or not. He changes his mindset slightly, but it only shows his growth and slight coming of age. Overall, I believe that Holden is a static character. 
This decision wasn't the easiest to make, but throughout the book, Holden doesn't really drastically change from the beginning of the book to the end. The major thing that changed was the fact that on the first page, Holden says, "...I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth." He also says it on almost every other page in the book until the very last line, "If you do, you start missing everybody." Holden goes through the book acting like he doesn't really care about anyone because they're all "phonies" but then he turns around on the very last line in the book saying that he'll miss the people in his life if he talks about them, phony or not. Holden is a people person, he needs human interaction or else he'll get lonely and depressed. But, if he's with a phony, he'll say that he's annoyed and try to get out of there, then get depressed again. Holden needs the interaction, whether he likes it or not; that's his nature. He wants someone to be real with him, but those people are his dead brother, Allie, and his kid sister, Phoebe. Holden's attitude doesn't really change, either. Throughout the book, Holden opens up more and more. At first, he was the kid hiding his goldfish, then as the story goes on, he shows more and more of the fish bowl, then he takes off the red hat, covering the top of the bowl and the checkered paper covering the bottom of the bowl to reveal a goldfish full of hidden emotions.

 

Happy Halloween Everybody!! Stay safe!!