Deep breath. Today is the first day of school. Don't worry, everything will be fine. Just ignore the heat you feel in your palms, making them clammy. You can also put aside that feeling you have that's thumping all over your body. Your rapid heart beat is the least of your worries right now. It's obviously going to be in the back of your mind because of the tightness in your chest, but you have to set that to the side. Now, go and get your backpack, do you seriously want to be late to school? It's the first day!
Deep breath. You have arrived. The beating in your heart pulses through your body and you clutch your hands to try to stop the pulse. It doesn't work. Come on, it’s just school, you can do this! Just as you finally get the courage to walk up the three steps onto the pavilion, you trip over the last step. This is great, just great. Best. Day. Ever.
Okay, pull yourself together, at least you didn't drop any books because they're all in your bag. Stay positive, maybe today will be great. You can hear your heart like a whisper when you notice that everyone around you is trying to stifle a laugh. The pounding in your chest goes faster and you feel your cheeks start to heat up. No, no, no, not now. Smile, act like it's nothing. You're clumsy, everyone knows this, but oh goodness, you're almost late! You race to class and make it just as the bell rings.
Sigh in relief. You sit next to the familiar faces of those who have been by your side for the past two years of being in high school. The beating of your heart has calmed down as you look upon the blessings that others will normally call friends. These people make school easier. Are you happy now? Everything will be okay.
Last day of school:
Sigh of relief. Today is the last day of school. Look at you, you survived! You can almost say that you're a senior! How can you calm that excited heart of yours? It's jumping almost as much as you are. Get your yearbook and go to school already. It may be the last day, but you still have to arrive on time.
Shallow breath. You can barely hold in your excitement as you attempt to run up the three steps to reach the pavilion. This is an attempt because you trip and fall into someone, knocking each other's yearbooks to the floor.
Mental face palm. What did you do!? Okay, get off of this person. As you get up, you notice that you knocked down one of your friends. After an intense stare, the two of you start laughing and pick up each other's yearbooks and sign them with a sentimental paragraph...okay, you took up the whole entire page. Others may be upset but you really couldn't care less. That's your best friend, not anyone else's.
Deep breath. You apparently forgot how to act since it's the last day. As you enter class, you start dancing and shouting with your blessings of friends in first period. Today is going to be great.
You can feel it. It's making your heart beat faster and faster into your chest, almost like a rhythm to a song.
Scan the room. Everyone is wiggling in their seats, unable to contain their excitement for the day to end. It's not even a full day, so people are antsier than ever.
Listen closely. You hear a faint sound coming from your teachers speakers. Music. The music has all of the students dancing and obnoxiously belting out the lyrics. This isn't even chorus and you soon realise that your fellow classmates should not sing. Ever.
Summer. The atrocious singing doesn't bother you that much due to the one thought on everyone's mind. Summer.
Despite a few minor choppy sentences, I love this post. You structure it in a way that is similar to an instruction manual and I think it is an extremely creative way to complete the task. I think that this would earn higher band 2 because, allow it was well written, there were some places where the atmosphere wasn't entirely clear. :)
ReplyDelete*although
DeleteThis blog does not really accomplish the prompt. At least that's what I think. It doesn't really talk about the atmosphere at all. It's mostly a piece talking about what you're feeling inside, not a description of the outside world. I would give this a Band 4 due to not properly addressing the prompt but it was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI would give this a Band 4/5 because you do not answer the prompt. You do not focus on the atmosphere, rather you make it a narrative on how the day goes. You seem to have good writing ability and I think you would have done better of you focused your attention to the atmosphere.
ReplyDeleteI really like the direction you took with this, except I don't think it fully answered the prompt. Instead of focusing on how you felt and how the days were for you, you should have focused on the atmosphere and how they were different from each other. I would give this a band high band 4 because it was good writing, but didn't completely stay focused.
ReplyDeleteHI Kayla! As I may hav can love readings you blogpost, while you have completeld the contrasting part of the first and last day part of the prompt
ReplyDelete. You didn't compete second part of the prompt which was about atmosphere, that should have been the main focus of your writing. I would have to personally give your a band 4 for not fully completing the task. While there were sparks of the potential to insert or go even more into depth about the atmosphere it wasn't done. But, that isn't to say that your writing was bad, I actually quite good in my opinion, as it definitely a very realistic as many of us feel on the first and last day. But, you did more sensory detail about what around you, like touch, smell and sound etc , it would give boosted your into thoughts higher bands.
Kayla! Though I did enjoy the writing and your introspective take on it, sadly it did not complete the prompt :( You didn't develop an atmosphere or describe anyone else's feelings about the day or imagery/scenery, it was all completely in your head and your feelings about it. I would have to give you a Band 4 or 5 because you did not complete the prompt, but that doesn't mean I didn't thoroughly enjoy your writing anyway :)
ReplyDelete